Existence
by danoverdeath
Summary: Lavi's POV, short angsty fic SPOILER WARNING FOR 14TH'S HOST AND SO ON! Lavi is going to see Allen after a mission, he ponders their relationship and what it means to have an existence . . . Yes, I know it's short but I like that kinda thing '


I've had the sudden urge to post some oneshots on here . . . so here we have it, the first of a few of my oneshots on dA XD

**SPOILER WARNING!!!:** hinted spoilers to do with the 14th and spoilers for the end of the Arc story-arc!!! (is that even a real story-arc?) YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

**EXISTENCE**

_Laven_

Since the day I came to this place I have always been missing something.

I wander through crowds and see people, faces. They smile, I wave. In that moment I bind myself to them, like a child to a parent, like a placenta to the lining of the virgin's womb; I have to cut the cord before it's too late. I am no god, I have no lust for such things, no lust at all.

And yet I do.

I drift aimlessly through the snow, petals of the ashen sky fall to the ground, tangling within the long crimson locks of my hair; they find warmth there, with me.

Why can't I?

Since the day I came to this place I have always been missing something.

A name, a past, warmth. My existence has denied me of those things. Always. Despite me craving for those things, things that I see all around me and yet cannot have, I know that if I were to dare reach out to those things then the existence that I do have would hold no meaning. I would lose sight of my goals, the meaning of it all. I'd be denying myself of the privilege of being the 49th of my kind. That would be the coldest existence of them all.

I know that, and yet still I . . .

I enter a building, it's floors paved with ebony and white stone, its walls adorned with a dark, olive-green lustre. Cracked tiles, torn wallpaper, dismantled walls. I step through the rubble, ducking underneath a fallen wooden beam, raising my head as the cloud of dust clears. Further down the hallway I see a figure, his back to me before he turns and smiles at me.

I hear that the son of God was tempted by Satan in the desert for forty days and nights and he was able to resist.

I stand here, staring back into those crystal-blue pools with a false smile as Satan tortures _me_ with an image of warmth, such warmth that not even the fires of hell could imitate. Yes, _his_ warmth. I want it all, around me, smothering me, choking me.

But I can't.

I beckon him to come outside with me, out into the sunlight. The sooner we're no longer alone, the sooner the temptation will ease. He smiles again and begins to come closer to me. His long, dark, over-coat is scuffed and torn, his mid-neck-length alabaster hair, tangled and a mess. His facial features possess minor, reddening wounds; and yet that same old gentle smile.

He then stops, his head turns to peer into a fallen wooden archway beside him. The smile slips away as he takes a step into the shrapnel heap that lies beyond the fallen archway. I hurriedly make after him.

Piles of bricks are laid down everywhere, I look up and see white swirls of clouds and a powerful light emanating from the sun. The very roof of this room must have been blown off by an akuma during Allen's battle, no wonder he was such a mess.

I hear a small sound come from in front of me, a delicate, sweet, mellow, musical sound. I glance forwards and see the white-haired exorcist standing by a piano. The piano is broken, a large clump of bricks sticking out of its wooden top, the keys broken and fractured.

The boy pushes down on a key, the exact musical tone from before resounds. He moves his hands higher up the keys and begins to play an eerie melody with a saddening undertone.

The last time I heard him play the piano was inside the Arc, but it was a different melody altogether. This melody has more pauses in it and is far more complex. The previous tune held a sense of something lasting forever, this one signifies the end.

I take a step forwards to catch a glimpse of his face, it is emotionless, and still. Then a tear meanders down his cheek as he smiles. The smile is curved, insane, unnatural. More tears fall.

Since the day we came to this place we have always been missing something.

An identity. Without that, life truly has no meaning.

The need for warmth in my heart is replaced with a pain as I watch the boy molester the keys of the broken instrument as tears tumble from his crystal-blue eyes.

We are too alike in many ways.

-----

**Original Author's Note:**

Lavi's POV -- hopefully it's angsty, right?

YAHOO!!! I've always wanted to write something for this pairing but my ideas usually have way to many spoilers (this has a few but who cares?)  
DGM has to be one of my ultimate mangas, it's so cool! It should be way more popular in my opinion -nods- Laven is probably my favourite pairing, next to TykixLavi XD Lots of people say Yullen is good but I can't get into it, I love Kanda and Allen but not together =_=

I can't stop reading Ciel's doujinshis, I've got the RAW series of _Shadow of the Moon_ on my computer and man do I wish it were in english! Her artwork is to die for and I hear she does KHR doujinshis too . . .

Anyway, hope you enjoy!  
DGM FTW!!! XD


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